But Why …..

Recently I had a “but why?...” session with one of my dear friend. We kinda had a fallout in between, where we weren’t talking to each other, reasons which were given – that we were busy with our work, no time for socialising, but the ugly truth was that my male ego was clashing with her “perfect” feminine ego/ attitude. Now why this war of egos, lets not get into that.

So one fine day I decided to kill my ego and make the 1^st move. For a few days we chatted normally. Now since we were getting back to being comfortable with each other again, the sharing part started, where in both parties share everything which is going on in their lives: mostly the crap stuff, how life is a bitch and the usual. So after few such sessions, she asks me, “Kartik, why do you like me so much that you always come back & show faith in our relation? Why is that whenever anything happens I’m the 1^st one to freak out & go in a shell? Why is that you always stand by me? Why is it that, you always come back for me even when I’m mean, selfish, inconsiderate towards you. Even when I hurt you? What have I done to deserve such unconditional love & commitment from people I hurt the most?” (okk so madam wants some attention now, some buttering, some nice words about her so that her feminine ego doesn’t remain bruised :P )

Now there are those “whys” which sometimes don’t have any answers. I tried my best to reason out stuff with her, but couldn’t put up a solid argument. I described certain incidents which are very dear to me, & due to which, have made her dear to me. Still she wasn’t satisfied (as is the case with all the descendants of Venus, this coding has been embedded in their chip right from birth & the code is based on some complex matrix coding, so hard to break :P). Anyways, I moved on by putting my full logic & reasoning to test, but could get half the answer to the question.

I guess there are no answers to certain “whys”. When you connect with a person, there can be many reasons, & some are unexplained. Why you keep going back to that person – well may be because the time you have spent together, the thoughts which you have shared, your matching wavelengths, something which the other person has done for you, or how you feel for that person. Well there are lot of reasons, but none conclusive. May be this is the reason why people are heartbroken after a breakup.

These “whys” have been around for a long time & will be around, it’s up to us how we deal with them. Some might get answered, some will remain a mystery. But the quest will always be on until time gets the best of us. BUT WHY!!!! …..

From Enna Maccha to Abbey yaar ……

Hey……. yea I know, I know you guys missed me and my blogs for a long time :P :D….. but ‘m back!!!!

In my previous blogs I mentioned about the transitions between different phases in my life, well they keep on continuing. And this one is a rather important one.

“Anna, central …… yaavlaau ?? 120 !!!! rumba jasti anna ….. 80 seri …. “, never imagined these would be my last spoken words in Tamil, before leaving Chennai, which had been my home for the past 2 amazing years!!!!! I was leaving for my hometown, Pune, with all my baggage, to start a new phase of my life. I got appointed as an Audio Faculty in my Alma Mater SAE, but in the Mumbai branch. So in order to spend some time home before joining I left Chennai a bit early.

Chennai ……. The city which had been very kind to me in terms of some amazing people who are very close to me now, my friends, my roomies, my college SAE, and my teachers. Chennai ……. The city which had sometimes been very harsh on me in terms of food, health n weather. But however the city was, my stay there was a life changing experience. My attitude towards life, my career, people, family changed. I started to realize the real value of things. So it was kinda hard for me to say good bye to Chennai. Even though I was “SOOPER” excited about the new job and starting to earn, but deep down inside me, I knew that these 2 years ‘m never gonna get back and they forever will remain in my memories. I’m gonna miss all the great times spent wid my buddies. Those back to back horror movie nights, that crap food which was made tolerable by the company I had, those surprise b’day parties, those long talks wid my bros on sleepless nights, those long walks wid a “teddy bear”, those last minute plans, complete chaos, falling sick, looking after each other, those misunderstandings, arguments, fights, voh khvaab dekhna …..!!!! Miss all that.

But most importantly, ‘m never gonna forget that, Chennai gave my passion a direction, gave my career a shape, made me realize my dream.

Mumbai ……

The “City of Dreams” as it is rightly called, its every person’s dream, who is in the creative or media field, to come and work in Mumbai, the heart of Bollywood, oh sorry I stand corrected, The Hindi Film Industry ;) . Being a Maharashtrian, it was but obvious to take up the opportunity, which lead me to Mumbai, near to my home town.

After almost 2 years, I was back to poli bhajji (roti sabji), Marathi people, the language, n the abuses!!!! (trust me some abuses just sound right when given in Marathi), the local culture. But Mumbai is just not about one particular culture, it’s like a “Cultural Mélange”, or you might say it’s like a “Cultural Khichadi” spiced wid flavours from all over India, and some “firangi” side dishes!!!!

Staying away from home for 2 years, had made me strong enough to take on Mumbai. So there I was on 21^st March searching for a place to stay. But one of my dear friends was kind enough to offer me a vacant place in a spacious 2bhk apartment in her building. So that was sorted out.

22^nd March was my joining date. Time given to me was 10.00 am, I reached there by 9.45am, with my Dad n Grandparents, who had come to see me off n wish me luck. While saying goodbyes I caught that hint of glisten in my Dad’s eyes which revealed that he was proud of me. That was enough for me to start the new phase in my life with full JOSH!!!!! Filmy …… I know….. but what to do …… mein aisahich hai bhai …… :P

So there I was alone, nervous, excited, anxiety at its max, waiting to start off the day …. And it went pretty damn well ….. met my HOD, about whom I had heard a lot, who is like a guru in Audio Engineering, an encyclopaedia….. after hearing all this I had a mental image of him as a guy in his mid 40’s, wid a salt-pepper topping, serious. But when I met him he was the total opposite, he was this cool dude, in early 30’s, an amazing sense of humour, and made me feel welcome in the team ……

Shortly after that I was scheduled to take my 1^st class. I spent the previous day preparing, making sure ‘m not leaving out any topic. While leaving my home on the day of the class, I had told myself ki, u gonna be strong, confident, don’t have to be nervous, it’s your subject n you can do this ….. n all the motivational crap one gives himself. I reached in time. The students had already come. I took the attendance, and stood up to introduce myself……… and at that point of time I experienced how it feels to have a shiver run down your spine, having goose bumps and sweating at the same time!!!!! They were staring at me with anxious eyes …… I was lip locked for a few seconds, totally clueless how to start. I hadn’t taught before in my life, only time I had taught someone was, when I used help out my friends, but that was different, here all stranger eyes scanning you from top to bottom and silently saying ….. “So …. What do you have to say!!!!”. But I regained my cool, n remembered what my mentor had told me during my training, that they are just students, just keep your cool, and start talking, they will be automatically charmed by you !!!! ….. OK the last part was added by me …. But hey, u weren’t their …. :P. So anyways, I introduced myself, introduced the topic I was gonna teach, and off we were ….. I didn’t feel a bit of nervousness while teaching, I was funny, gave em some “GYAN”, n my 1^st class was a success!!!!!

Adjusting to the new house, new roommates was not that hard, since I had spent 2 years in Chennai. I guess it is easier to adjust to your surroundings after a certain level of maturity & some experiences with the harder side of life.

They say that, if can survive in Mumbai you can survive anywhere. Well it’s kinda true. Mumbai shows you all the vivid colours of life. This city has got it all, the glamour world, the underworld, and the common man struggling in between somewhere. But the city gives you the guts to face life as it comes. It’s true that life goes on 24x7. It’s a place, which gave me the true meaning of “Voluptuous”!!!! ;) :D. It’s a place which makes you feel safe but at the same time can scare shit out of you. You get to see0020two extreme sides of human behaviour and humanity. If you are trying to catch a moving train, the people will catch you and pull you up & if you get on, & hanging onto to the door, people from inside will hold you tight. It’s kinda mutual, since they know they also can be in the same situation. On the same day when I saw this, I also witnessed a guy beating up his wife under the flyover ruthlessly & the traffic cop who was at the signal, was just standing by and doing nothing!!!!! There are countless such small incidents which I have witnessed since I have been here. For some you can’t do anything, but where I can I try to do my part. But ‘m in love with this city and wanna explore it to the max!!!!

When you start earning, it takes you to the next level of independence and responsibilities. The word “shopping” takes on a whole new meaning!!!! And if you are a foodie, then it’s like Christmas all the time!!!! :D …… But it also feels good when you don’t have to ask your parents for money. When you get your 1^st pay cheque, you spend the rest of your day on cloud no 9 ….. You feel proud of yourself when you pay the rent from your own money, when you tick the “professional” or “salaried” box on any form. You just can’t stop smiling, when buy something for your parents & for yourself from your 1^st salary. When money is spent from your pocket for silly reasons, you realize how your dad must have felt, when you used to ask him money for unnecessary things & used to create fuss about it, but your dad used to give it without saying anything & wid a smile. J

Well until now Mumbai has given me all these experiences & can’t wait to have more. Just loving this transition from one phase of my life to another. But throughout all this, ‘m missing something, which may be makes me sometimes feel ‘m all alone in this beautiful city. Hop e I find it soon!!!! ….

I dedicate this blog to my parents, my family, my dear friends & mentors …..n surprisingly SAE !!!!!